What Can I Do?

Have you ever had one of those moments where “all hell breaks loose”? Everything seems to happen at once, life feels overwhelming, and you're left thinking, "I can't do this." Those moments where it feels like there's a million things to do and not enough hours in the day.

I've been there too... more than once.

In those moments it's easy to feel stuck, overwhelmed or lost. Although it may not feel like it at the time, these seasons do pass. But I wonder how often we simply wait for them to pass, hoping that time alone will make things feel easier. What if I told you that waiting for the moment to pass might mean waiting much longer than you need to?

When we experience something difficult, one of the first questions we often ask is, "Why?" It's a natural response as we try to make sense of what's happened. Sometimes, though, we can become so focused on finding the answer that we feel unable to move forward until we know the why.

But what if we changed "Why?" to "What?" What if, instead of asking, "Why is this happening?", we asked ourselves, "What can I do?"

That simple shift doesn't minimise what we're going through or suggest we stop trying to understand it. Instead, it helps us move from feeling powerless to recognising that, while we can't always control what has happened, we can choose our next step. Rather than trying to carry everything at once, this question encourages us to focus on one thing at a time.

I often speak with clients about the power of our thoughts and the importance of reframing them. Our thoughts influence how we feel, how we behave and how we respond to the challenges life throws at us.

There's a phrase that says, "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." While those words were written long before neuroscience understood neuroplasticity, they reflect a principle we now know to be true: our brains are capable of change.

Our nervous system is an incredible network of specialised cells called neurons that constantly communicate with one another. The brain, made up of billions of these neurons, is responsible for our thoughts, emotions, behaviours and many aspects of how we experience the world. Through a process called neuroplasticity, our brains can strengthen existing neural pathways and create new ones through repeated thoughts, behaviours and experiences. This means that, although change isn't always easy or immediate, we have an incredible capacity to develop healthier ways of thinking over time.

So, where do we begin?

Step 1: Notice the thought

The first step is simply to notice your thoughts rather than automatically accepting them as facts. Acknowledge the thought and ask yourself:

• Is this thought true?

• Is it helpful?

• Is there another way of looking at this?

If the thought is balanced and helpful, hold on to it. If it isn't, it may be time to let it go and replace it with something more truthful and compassionate.

Step 2: Reframe the thought

For example, you might find yourself thinking:

"Why did someone I trusted hurt me and take so much from me?"

That's an incredibly painful question, and when we've been hurt or betrayed, it's understandable that our minds return to it again and again.

Instead, try gently reframing it:

"I can't control another person's words or actions, but what can I do?"

Your answer might be reminding yourself that there are people who love and care about you. It might be reaching out to someone you trust, allowing yourself to feel your emotions rather than bottling them up, or simply recognising that, although it doesn't feel like it today, you won't always feel this way.

I do want to acknowledge that when you've experienced deep hurt or betrayal, reframing your thoughts isn't easy. It takes time, patience and often support from others. But please know you're not alone, and there is strength and hope to hold on to as you work through it.

Step 3: Repeat

Reframing a thought once rarely changes the way we think. The real change happens through repetition.

Every time those anxious, lonely or self-critical thoughts appear, gently practise replacing them with the healthier perspective you've chosen. This is where neuroplasticity comes in. Through repeated thoughts, behaviours and experiences, the brain strengthens new neural pathways, making those healthier patterns feel more natural over time.

Like any new skill, it takes practice.

Don't Do It Alone

If you're finding life overwhelming, don't feel you have to carry it by yourself.

Whether that's through therapeutic support, trusted friends, family or other people around you, don't be afraid to ask for help. Sometimes, simply sharing what you're carrying can make all the difference.

And because I couldn't resist ending with a little Harry Potter saying:

"Help will always be given to those who ask for it." -  Albus Dumbledore.

I'm sorry I know it's a little cheesy! But the sentiment is true - You don't have to do life alone! Reframing our thoughts takes time, patience and practice, but it really can make a difference. If you're struggling, please reach out to us as we're here to walk alongside you.